As I got closer to my car, I noticed a guy crouched in front of it, squatting between my Corolla and the SUV parked right in front.  He had long hair, a hat, and really dirty clothes on, and the thought running through my head was, “Great, this ruins the picture-perfect afternoon I was hoping for.”  But then it didn’t take long before I realized two things: First, it wasn’t a guy; it was a woman.  Second, this woman was peeing in front of my car.  Anger quickly turned to confusion and panic because it didn’t look like this woman was going to get up anytime soon.  She just stayed right there, squatting and leaning back against my license plate.  I thought maybe I could get in and start the car so that she would get the hint, but that didn’t feel right at all.  The pseudo-New Yorker in me thought about an indignant remark, asking her what she thought she was doing and barking at her to get out of there.  But I couldn’t do it.  All I could do was mutter a few times, “Ma’am, this is my car.”  Nothing.  So I got in my car and waited. I couldn’t look at her, so I looked across the street and watched as onlookers walked down the sidewalk, paused to look, and then shook their heads at what they saw.  Finally, this woman stood up, sat on the hood of my car, pulled up her pants, and walked away toward the sidewalk.  I caught a glimpse of her face behind the hair and the hat and the dirt, and she was probably in her early thirties, if that.  My heart sank to my stomach and stayed down there as I drove to church.

I’ve thought about this woman a lot the last couple days.  It makes me sad.  Uncomfortable.  Angry.  This woman had lost her dignity.  She had been stripped of her beauty.  I would rather that I didn’t have to see her, huddled in front of my car.  I’ve seen drunken guys peeing all over the place and not cared a bit.  But this was different.  It isn’t right that she had to live this way.  It makes me sad.

Jesus found himself around women who had lost their dignity, who lived in shame privately or publicly.  There is the story of the sinful woman in Luke 7 who kisses Jesus’ feet and washes them with her hair, her tears, and her perfume.  Everyone around her thought about how shameful she was and how Jesus shouldn’t even be around her.  That passage seems a little more real to me now.  The love of God really is amazing.

At my height, I’m usually very aware of how tall I am not.  Most of us feel like we’re “not” something.  And so it’s easy for me to forget all the shoulders I’m standing on, both in the past and in the present.  It’s easy to forget how tall I stand because of all the people who have invested and sown into my life.  Many of them will never know the kind of impact they’ve had.  But I wouldn’t be here without them, and where I am is pretty incredible.

But here is what has gotten me thinking -  is it right to passionately pursue dreams and ambitions that will lead you to incredible success if it means that your life will border on obsession and push at a pace that seems hardly sustainable?  Today that’s what is celebrated in most areas of life and business – the graphic designer that will stare at a screen until she blacks out, the programmer that will code for 30-hour sessions, the pastor that will pick up the phone and run out the door for anyone and everyone at 3am.  I think we’re in awe of those people.  We see in them the path to success.  Be really great at something and pursue it with the passionate zeal of an artist who is never satisfied.  And the earlier you find what makes you great and push yourself to the limit to create and invent and be better than anything that has ever been, the better chance you might be the next Mark Zuckerberg.  The Social Network shows the dark side to this kind of creative, world-changing genius.  It shows how gaining the world can ruin lives.  And you can’t help but think of the words of Jesus – “What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?” (Luke 9:26)

Again, the movie is a dramatic portrayal that stretches the truth.  So I don’t want to vilify Zuckerberg or anyone else for that matter.  But I know that there are so many out there, especially young people, who want to be the next big thing and can’t wait to get there.  Smart people will tell you that the way to do it is to pursue your talents and passions with relentless and ruthless determination.  Stay up all night for as many nights as you need to.  If you love it, it won’t feel like work.  Great things can happen that way and incredible things can get done, but I’m afraid of the cost if the train suddenly goes off the rails.

I love the next big thing, what’s new and what’s fast.  But I’m starting to be just as concerned about what is of God, and will last, and what won’t kill me in the end.  What will I enjoy and be proud of and feel like God has made happen through the power of the Holy Spirit?  I think that when we find that way that God is really working through us, we’ll want to stay up all night, and it won’t feel like work.  But hopefully we’ll know our limits and get a decent night of sleep.

What’s the next big thing God is doing?  I’m guessing it’s not going to look like Facebook or make young adults into billionaires.  But I know if it’s what God is doing, I’m not going to lose or forfeit my very self.

So I’m looking for a new way of doing things.  A way that will bring much more life and joy, and hopefully lessen the anxiety to a manageable level.  It may seem strange, but I have a hard time figuring out what it is that really brings me joy and gives me life.  I know what’s good and what’s necessary and what’s needed, but I don’t always know what I enjoy and love and find peace in.  I know I enjoy writing and thinking, and I hope that I’ll get to do more of both.  So here’s to yet another new beginning.

This is how I feel with youth ministry right now, but really how I feel about my life.  I got a lot of excitement and a lot of anxiety flying at me, pretty much at the same time.  That used to drive me crazy.  I would question my calling, faith, commitment–pretty much all those things that we question when things aren’t going right.  How could I be so filled with anxiety, I would wonder?  Does that mean that my excitement isn’t worth as much?

These days I realize that it’s ok to live with both.  It shows I’m not perfect.  It shows that I need Jesus now more than ever.  It shows that perfect love casts out fear, but my love isn’t perfect.  Thank God that his is.

Here’s one of my favorite quotes from Brennan Manning (The Ragamuffin Gospel):
“When I am honest, I admit that I am a bundle of paradoxes.  I believe and I doubt, I hope and I get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty.  I am trusting and suspicious, I am honest and I still play games.  Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.”

At the end of a long, great day, I feel more like a bundle of paradoxes than anything else.  It doesn’t really make sense.  But God loves me as I am.  Jesus died for sinners.  He uses the most unlikely.  We fail but he still chooses us.  And I’m learning to be ok with the tension.

I came across a few articles today that brought me to the same conclusions.

First, it was a CNN op-ed piece by Larry Rosen titled “Generation ‘Text’: FB me.”  It’s definitely worth a read if you work with youth or have a child who’s growing up in the Net Generation or the iGeneration, as Rosen calls them.  Here’s a quote by Rosen:

“iGeners, however, are different. They know no other world than that of the Web, texting and social networking. They were online when they could sit up and sent an e-mail to Grandma; they made MySpace a household name by their early teens. They live in their own bedroom “TechnoCocoons,” where new technologies appear and penetrate society in months rather than years.

Although the telephone took 20 years to reach 50 million users, the Web took four years, iPods three and MySpace two, and YouTube hit 50 million users in one year. The iGeneration is driving these consumer trends. Individuals in this group watch more than 100 YouTube videos a month, download apps, MySpace and Facebook (now verbs), and text the night away. They don’t see technology as a tool. For them, it is just life.”

In a similar article in the New York Times,

“People two, three or four years apart are having completely different experiences with technology,” said Lee Rainie, director of the Pew Research Center’s Internet and American Life Project. “College students scratch their heads at what their high school siblings are doing, and they scratch their heads at their younger siblings. It has sped up generational differences.”

One obvious result is that younger generations are going to have some very peculiar and unique expectations about the world. My friend’s 3-year-old, for example, has become so accustomed to her father’s multitouch iPhone screen that she approaches laptops by swiping her fingers across the screen, expecting a reaction.”

And finally, this Op-Ed in the NY Times this week on the lost art of R.S.V.P.:

What’s clear is how hard the R.S.V.P. rubs against the grain of contemporary life. In requesting people to anchor a plan in the distant future of a month hence, you are demanding a kind of navigation that Americans increasingly do not practice. We prefer to remain flexy, solidifying our plans incrementally as the date approaches. Let’s talk tomorrow. I’ll call you when I’m on the road. Cellphones in hand, we microadjust our schedules as they unfold around us. We’re like the air traffic controllers of our own lives.

All of this reading this morning led me to conclude that:

- The world is rapidly changing with the way that technology is advancing.  It can’t stop, and it won’t stop.
- The norms for relating to one another are also changing at rapid speeds, trying to catch up with the advancements we have at our fingertips.
- Not all of us will be happy with this.  In fact, it will scare a lot of us who haven’t grown up with it as a core of our reality.  At what point does ultra-flexibility become ultra-flakiness?

And here’s another thought: Does the technology gap only exist between generations?  What about those who can’t afford a texting plan or regular computer access?

Even before this all caught my attention this morning, I was wondering to myself what the next big social networking thing will be.  I think Facebook is still in its heyday, but has plateaued and will have to make way for whatever comes next.  Maybe what we’ll come up with is live video chatting right from your phone.  And the new novel thing will be seeing each other face-to-face and having a conversation with words.  (Wait, that makes me sound like a complainer which means I’ve fallen into the generation gap.)

So let’s think about Sabbath for a second.  How can we meaningfully share the gift of Sabbath in the reality of our youth?  I’m still wrestling with this.  I think the first thing we have to do is realize that their reality is not our reality.  And second, I think we have to understand that they are growing up in the world that we have shaped for them.  We can’t stop, and we won’t stop.  But that’s how we choose to live.  And now, for youth, that’s just life.

More on this to come.

Charlie plays football for his high school team.  Matt is a player on a youth league basketball team.  Both guys work hard, overcome incredible adversity, and shine like champs in big moments.  Watch their stories, they’ll make you see the possibilities in all young people a little bit differently.

I serve with youth.  Some of them have challenges you and I couldn’t even dream of facing on a daily basis.  Some of them are physical challenges, some of them are difficult life circumstances.  And it’s amazing what potential they have to do great things and impact and shape this world.  I know that God sees great things in them.  Much greater than we can imagine.  I want to see what he sees.

What you’ll notice in the stories of both Charlie and Matt is that there are families, friends, and coaches who gave these young men a chance to shine.  There are probably countless other stories like this of youth who are doing extraordinary things.  And in each story, there are unseen heroes who loved these kids, saw something great in them, and gave them a chance.

I can’t think of a better way to spend my life.

Thanks, Charlie and Matt, for doing what you’re doing.  And thanks to everyone who has your back for reminding me that I have incredibly talent, potential, and passion around me all the time.  I just have to see it.

There are about 10 books that I want to start reading but I already have 6 books that I’m in the middle of reading (I think) and another couple books that I just finished but probably need to go back and look at.  Add to that the growing number of blogs that I want to follow, NY Times and ESPN articles to read, Facebook and Twitter updates that provide not very useful but nonetheless compelling reading material, and the occasional magazine that I like to pick up now and then and what you get is information overload.

The word I hear a lot these days is “bandwidth” as it relates to people and our capacity to give energy and brain power to a certain number of projects, ideas, or relationships.  These days I’m feeling a little bit more 56k than T1 or 3G.  (That sounded very nerdy.)

One of my favorite things about being on staff at New Life is my colleagues are incredible readers and great resources for all sorts of literature and ideas.  Whenever they mention a book they’re reading, my first thought is always, “that sounds great, I want to read that.”  And the reading list grows longer and more ominous.

So I’m wondering where to start.  I’m seriously rethinking my bad habit of starting a lot of different books at the same time.  It would probably be more efficient.  But the problem is that I like the diversity range of ideas and information you get from reading Culture Making, Big Book of Basketball, and Freakonomics at the same time.  And isn’t it the responsible thing to do to read what’s going on in the news and find out what the hottest and latest happenings are in the blogisphere?  But I’m getting that feeling of being reading hungry at lunchtime at a busy food court with way too many choices and it’s like 12:40pm.  Have to hurry up and make a decision.  It’s nerve-wracking.  And then you have to stand in line.  And then you have to pay.  And then you get to eat.  And by then you’re just scarfing down your food for dear life.  And then you feel sick.  Somehow, somewhere the point of the whole thing got missed.

So I’m at a place right now where I’m reading with fervor but also a little anxiety.  So many books, so many articles….it can drive you crazy.  And if I’m feeling way too behind on that stack of books sitting next to my bed (true story), then the chances of missing a huge moment of revelation because I’m too busy turning pages are much high than I’d like.

Am I the only one that goes through this?

Ohno and the Koreans
There is probably no person who is the focus of more intense sports hate than Apollo Ohno by South Koreans and Korean-Americans.  Ever since the last Olympics, the hatred toward Ohno has reached extreme and irrational proportions.  If you’re around Koreans and Ohno’s name comes up, you’ll invariably hear someone say, “I hate that guy.”  And it’s not even that people hate that he wins or think that he cheats; it’s at the point now where people say “I don’t like his face” or “If I met him, I’d want to rip that soul patch right off.”  That is some intense sports hate.  Here are some thoughts why:

- South Korea dominates speed skating.  That’s just a plain fact.  The coach of the U.S. speed skating team is from Korea.  So I think Koreans are especially invested in this sport and feel threatened by Ohno’s success to date.
- Based on the above point, I think there is resentment that Ohno is the “face of speed skating.”
- When you watch the events on TV, it’s interesting that the Korean speed skaters were always referred to as “the Koreans” rather than by name.  Now, I don’t blame the announcers because those dudes really do look very much alike with helmets and goggles and, let’s face it, those are not the easiest name to say.  But what that does is that it sets up the race as “Ohno v. the Koreans” rather than Ohno versus any particular Korean skater.
- Speed skaters skate so many races there are too many chances for someone to get bumped and create controversy.  It’s like the games that the Bulls and Knicks played in the 90′s or the Knicks and the Heat.  Pretty much, you knew the more games they played against each other, the more animosity and chance for violence that you would have to deal with.
- Some have mentioned that it’s because Ohno is part Japanese, but I think that’s overblown.  There was as much hate directed towards Paul Ham in the 2004 Olympics with the whole gymnastics controversy.  Personally, I think the soul patch is a bigger culprit than the Japanese heritage.  That thing annoys me too.
- Nationalistic and cultural roots run deep for Koreans.  The sentiment is that we win together and we lose together.  Kim Yuna is the best example.  I have never been more nervous or invested in women’s figure skating.  I felt like I was watching my baby cousin out there.  She was everyone daughter or sister.  Even if you’re a generation or two removed from living in Korea, I think you felt it.  So with Ohno, the country hates him together.
- Sports hate is one of the most intense and irrational kinds of hate.  You don’t really need a good reason or logical argument to engage in sports hate and you almost get a free pass in personalizing that hate for someone you have never met.  Mention Tom Brady or Bill Belichick anywhere outside New England and see what happens.  Say that you’re a big Kobe fan outside of LA and feel the intensity of anger that arises.  I have sports hate for Rajon Rondo.  I just don’t like him.  It might be because he’s on the Celtics and he killed the Lakers in the 2008 finals, but really it runs deeper than that.  His face annoys me.  I can’t explain it, and yes, I’m a little ashamed of myself.  That is the nature of sports hate.

One of the Best Hockey Games Ever
I heard from different commentators that this was one of the greatest games in hockey history.  I saw some of the game live and even watched the replay later that week.  And yes, it was a really good game.  But here’s the thing with hockey.  As a novice fan, I really couldn’t tell the difference between this incredible hockey game and other normal NHL games.  Honestly, it looked the same to me.  The goal at the end of regulation was exciting and Sidney Crosby’s goal was great, but the rest of the game didn’t look that different to me.  Compare that to soccer, for instance.  The level of soccer that is played at the World Cup level is noticeably different from MLS.  MLS soccer is boring to me.  The ball seems to bounce around like a pinball and no one is really moving.  But World Cup soccer (and European club soccer for that matter) is totally different.  It’s fast, fluid, and physical.  Even though the scoring is still low, the chances and the runs are incredibly exciting.  Anyway, when it comes to hockey, I don’t get that.  Maybe other fans do, but I don’t.

Is this for real?
Do you wonder sometimes if some Winter Olympic events were thought up as a joke?  But then someone took it seriously and then all of a sudden it became a sport.  Case in point for me is luge and skeleton.  Now, I know someone died so I don’t want to be disrespectful.  But does anyone think that sliding down a bobsled track on your back at high speeds is a good idea?  And let’s say that you do.  Who was the guy that thought, “you know what, that’s not dangerous enough.  what if we went down headfirst?”  Was that dude’s mom not around at the time to smack him?  That’s so dangerous.  The funny thing is that I kind of want to try it.  Also a weird but cool sport, the biathlon.  This is where you cross country ski while carrying a rifle and then stop to shoot at targets.  Here’s a thought, why not have them shoot at targets while skiing downhill at high speeds.  Think of how exciting that would be?  Of course, you couldn’t have any spectators or refs or anyone around really.  But that would cool.  Expect to see that at the 2030 games, and remember, it was my idea.

Winter Olympics are for Rich People
Pretty much every winter sport cost a significant amount of money to participate in.  I was inspired by the Olympics so I went snowboarding.  It left a huge hole in wallet.

Where were the Russians?
I noticed a lack of Russians who were dominant in the Winter Games.  Maybe I just wasn’t paying attention, but I’m used to hearing a lot more about Russian dominance in the past.

Making Fun of Canada
Let it be known that I love Canada.  They are the most polite people I’ve met, and I have some good friends who are Canadian.  The food is great and the snacks are superior to those sold in America.  But if you watched the closing ceremonies, I think you realize that Canadians don’t take themselves that seriously.  They basically played on every stereotype of their country.  And that’s probably a good quality, to be self-effacing, but it makes it too easy to make fun of Canada.  It was a little painful to watch.  In a way, it lacked some pride and self respect.  C’mon, Canada, you have a lot going for you.  Great people, great potato chip flavors.  Take yourselves more seriously because I don’t want people to make fun of you.

Where’s Sochi?
Has anyone ever heard of this city before?  It feels like they made it up.  It’s in Russia somewhere though, so maybe the Russians will really gear up for the games in 2014.  I know I’ll be excited for it.

Way back when, there was this place in the blogisphere called Xanga.  This was my first foray into the world of online communication, and I kept up with that site in xangaland for a good five years.  So I went back through my xanga site and checked out some of my past entries.  It felt like flipping through the pages of an old journal; some of it looked completely brand new to me and some of it felt like yesterday.  I came across this post from 11.16.07 that really stuck out to me, especially given all that God is teaching me right now in my own life and with our youth ministry.  It’s taken from My Utmost From His Highest by Oswald Chambers, and I thought I would re-post it here:

“We have a tendency to look for wonder in our experience, and we mistake heroic actions for real heroes. It’s one thing to go through a crisis grandly, yet quite another to go through every day glorifying God when there is no witness, no limelight, and no one paying even the remotest attention to us. If we are not looking for halos, we at least want something that will make people say, “What a wonderful man of prayer he is!” or, “What a great woman of devotion she is!” If you are properly devoted to the Lord Jesus, you have reached the lofty height where no one would ever notice you personally. All that is noticed is the power of God coming through you all the time.” (My Utmost For His Highest, 11/16)

Heroes don’t look for the limelight.  Heroes don’t look for the praise from people.  Heroes are the ones who probably had no idea anyone would know their name, but were motivated because God knew their name.  I’d love to see more and more heroes around.  Quiet, faithful, consistent heroes who will serve and give and love like Jesus.  Wouldn’t you?